The Offending Word was Perfunctory

The offending word was perfunctory. I’m not saying the word that was used had a perfunctory meaning. I mean to say that it was the word ‘perfunctory’ that resulted in the reprimand. Now, it’s a given that some ski patrollers are college educated. Others have gained intelligence through experience and/or a love of, say, reading perhaps. While others . . . haven’t, but, boy, can they ski!

When I was in high school, we thought it wasn’t ‘cool’ to be smart. Luckily, I was smart enough to graduate (a year early) and move away. I hadn’t been in Colorado long before many epiphanies struck (don’t use that word on the radio), some simultaneously (don’t use that word on the radio). I discovered that I could live and work in ski towns high up in the mountains of Colorado. That was no small lesson for an eighteen year old who had previously hitchhiked twenty miles one way, leaving home at nine p.m., to pump gas from eleven at night to seven in the morning. It paid two dollars and sixty-five cents an hour. And I was lucky to get the job. It was strictly serendipitous. Now there’s a word you probably shouldn’t use on the radio. Oh yeah, did I mention that I was hitchhiking in the Snow Belt in the winter?

I started at Keystone making five an hour, that’s almost twice what I was making back home, plus a ski pass. A few of my many epiphanies were the following; I figured out how to get a place to live and how to find roommates. I realized that if I wanted to, I could spend my money on airplane tickets instead of say, chrome wheels and carburetors or hood scoops and racing stripes. My first roommate filled an entire wall with records, a small wall but still a wall of music. It was a wall of all new music to me. There were albums in there by artists like Bonnie Raitt (Give it Up), John Prine (Illegal Smile), Jesus Christ Super Star. Jesus Christ, that was some great music. As a kid I never made it past The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Yes, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd etc, and somewhat embarrassingly, R.E.O. Speed Wagon. Don’t get me wrong, I still love that music too. My new roommate also had books. Books, what kind of freak had moved into my trailer? Yeah, he had a wall’s worth of them too. Carlos Castaneda, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Alchemist (that’s a word I didn’t know and don’t use it on the radio either), Herman Hesse. Speaking of Hesse, the gas station I worked at back in western New York was a Hess gas station. If you know these titles (like I didn’t), you understand the genre. Nights that I wasn’t washing the ski shuttle buses up at Keystone and occasionally bending the mirrors in the wash bays or driving them into ditches and Ralph was at work waiting tables at the Ramada Inn, I would sit in our trailer and listen to music I had never heard of and read his books, reading also being ‘unheard of’ for me. I discovered an aptitude, but don’t use that word on the radio. I learned things from reading books! Huh. So, the most important epiphany that came from that first winter of my new life was I decided that, in fact, it was cool to be smart. I’ve been playing catch-up ever since.

So I’m at ski patrol almost thirty years of playing catch-up later, having long since moved out of Summit County, with a couple of my coworkers who are also my friends and more importantly for this story, they are also my supervisors. We were doing my midseason job performance evaluation. Never mind that it was well past midseason. That was because my last name starts with W, they said. I’ve heard that before. It was the best evaluation I’d ever gotten. I stepped up big that year and it was noticed and appreciated. We were about finished and shaking hands and congratulating each other, etc., when they (my friends, my supervisors) give each other a look of ‘oh yeah, just remembered’. It was one of those looks that when you see it, you instinctively realize that you were not supposed to. Their smiles didn’t disappear completely, but they definitely shifted toward an evolving smirk trying to reach a poker face. They sat back down. It was not over yet. They started with a chuckle, keeping it light. After the beginning of an awkward silence, they both spoke at once. They chuckled again and one of them proceeded to tell me that I use words on the radio that are ‘too big’. They nodded grave agreement. I barely suppressed a smile, realizing just in time that they were not kidding. They specifically recalled an incident where I was so audacious as to use the word . . . perfunctory. Understand that Audacious is the name of one of our ski runs. So, I guess you can use that word on the radio. Maybe we should name a run Perfunctory. Fortunately, they really didn’t know what perfunctory meant. I used it in the context of doing something ‘routinely’. I said something on my radio like, “Patrol, this is Remo, I just did a perfunctory sweep of the Hot Y closures. They’re all in place, over.” Upon looking the word up later, I found that most descriptions are along the lines of: “done or acting routinely AND with little interest or care.” Maybe I didn’t exactly know what the word meant either. I certainly didn’t sweep the Hot Y’s with “little interest or care.” With all three of us oblivious to that part of the meaning, we returned to smiles and hand shaking. I walked away with the biggest raise you can get per year. No big deal, it’s routine. In fact, it was almost perfunctory.

I didn’t think much of it at the time, but the conversation stuck with me. It struck me as odd. Within a day or two, I was making fun of having been reprimanded for using big words. Then I thought about it more seriously. I considered what it truly meant. I looked more closely at some of my contemporaries. I noticed the misspelled words on medical supplies and other equipment. It had always been that way. I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. And I don’t mean words like artificial external defibrillator. I mean words like bag, valve, mask and safety. We once famously printed a batch of t-shirts that proclaimed “Saftey first.” That’s when I thought of “Saftey first, spelling second.” We never printed that one. Don’t even get me started on trying to read some of my co-workers’ medical statements and other paperwork.

The deeper meaning of the situation was becoming clear. For this to actually be an issue of concern was very telling. Ultimately, they were requesting/requiring me to ‘dumb myself down’ to facilitate some of our less intelligent patrollers. Facilitate, don’t say it on the radio. You’re only as strong as your weakest link. I love ski patrolling, especially where I work. Hiking to the top of the peak to access ‘the bowl’ is an everyday occurrence. The expert terrain, the views, the locals and yes, my coworkers all contribute to a great work environment and experience. I ride my bicycle to work all winter. I value my job greatly. As does my wife for our medical and dental and of course, the ski passes. So, I have adopted this philosophy; I try to take a moment before I talk on the radio and choose words that, although they wouldn’t be my first choice, or, I might add, the best word choice, will be most easily understood by most patrollers. I’m still and always will be playing catch-up in the intelligence department. But apparently I’m not doing too badly. These guys are my friends. Hopefully they still will be after reading this. I mean no offense and actually they made me feel pretty good about myself that day.

One of these friends/supervisors graduated top of his class. He is definitely smarter than I am. I don’t understand. He seems embarrassed by this fact. He hides his intelligence. Maybe he thinks it isn’t cool to be smart.

I’m just lucky I discovered reading and discovered I like it. I can climb a mountain and ski it. I can bike a couple hundred miles. But, I can also happily sit on my ass for untold hours on end, reading.

A lot of my friends are super high energy. They can’t sit still for long. The endorphins and adrenalin rule. They are more committed athletes than I am.

Some people might not even consider perfunctory a big word. Apparently they do. But, boy, can they ski.

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